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The overused ellipsis. . . Understatement of the millenium. . . [19 Nov 2014|01:52am]

I would have to use one a trillion times over in order to attempt to convey the enormity that is the screaming silence in my mind. The abyss of darkness that, I imagine, is what a blind man sees. Everything that I think I know, I know is there. I just can't see it. I have gone through so much and so little simultaneously. I cannot begin to describe the magnitude of miniscule, however memorable moments in my life that have started to define who I am as a person.

I'm going to put this all down on this journal from my neat little Note 3. This little series is going to take a little while. That being said I'm ending this prematurely. . . Because my phablet is dying. To be continued homes..

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"Aw mi'jo, you're growing up so fast."... [22 Aug 2007|02:02am]
One thing that I don't like about posting is that sometimes I don't have enough time to type all of what is on my mind. I had started a post a while back and a lot has happened since then so I am at that point, yet again...

First of all, I am totally enjoying the independent life. Even though I miss my family, I am 100% comfortable at my apartment. Well, It's also my brother and Andy's apartment. We all became roommates. It has been a blast so far. We'll see just how much more we'll struggle in the future. Money is always something we need and don't have much of, if any at all.

I quit my job at zales... And I did it without having a job to fall back on. I know, it was retarded but I did not want to continue working there with my manager and his two faces. I began to notice how he would treat me different than the other employees. Oh well.. I know I can find another job quickly. A better one too.

Everything is going smooth with mary. This month makes four. I shall elaborate on Mary some other time. Not enough time.... I'm sleepy.

I will also tell more about my school situation and my tentative goals. I WILL reach those goals.

I have not posted in about... forever. So I had to do something about it today. I shall write more later... I am passing out on the laptop right now..

Peace niggas,
Richie
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I need Serenity... [21 Feb 2007|07:07am]
[ mood | blah ]

Here's an excerpt kiddoes. I don't think the whole thing will ever be finished because there always are things to edit and add to and omit... Enjoy... :)

... And he stood there, atop the hill. All that he could do was gape at the wondrous glow that began to peer over the horizon. The fascination was indeed the sky itself. Never in his existence had he seen something so alluring, something that had the ability to hold him spellbound. The light green beams were slowly starting to greet the infinite darkness. So many Stars. The irresistible power of this scene left his mind extremely clear. He was experiencing Serenity.

The light was now changing into a yellow hue, which was sucking the black out of the sky. The brightness of the stars was diminishing and a moon was creeping into view on the opposite side of this world. Romulus was enveloped by the whole atmosphere. It seemed to have changed from night to day for apparent reasons. His thoughts remained at a minimum but were as tranquil as his surroundings, cloudless and clear and free of storm. He loved every minute of his presence on the planet. "
"I never want to leave this place.", were the words that wanted to cross his teeth and jump his lips. Though it was a bold one, he felt it wouldn't be a true statement. He stared ahead and glanced up. The vastness of it all. There was always going to be more. That was the belief that kept him driven. He was also starting to believe that life is but a chance to live in and FOR the moment, (however long life lasts). Disregarding the future is absurd. The future should be something that one can gold at an arms length...

"I will see this again", uttered Romulus.

It was a statement that he knew never to be truer. With this said, he turned at his heel and walked again.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dreams by text def.: Dreams are results of our minds [desperately] trying to make sense of random activity in our brains.... Huh.

Everyone knows that sometimes things occur in dreams that would never happen in reality. There are fools that try to relive or try to make the dream as real as they can. These efforts are almost always futile. No matter how miraculous or marvelous the dreams are, emotion should be one of those things that goes away with the dream. The memory stays of course. Nothing can take that. The ability to remember dreams is something that I haven't had much of. Sometimes I wish I didn't have it at all...
I tried to live in my moment. A moment that I brought back with me from the 'metaphysical' world. A moment that wasn't real and shouldn't be. A moment that seemed so real... or as real as I would have liked it to be...

A mistake? No... Nothing happened so nothing should change right? Yes, I made my bold-ass effort. A little hesitant at first but I said 'fuck it'... I meant no harm but maybe that was a fact I overlooked. As for my dream... I don't know. Ask me and I'll tell you...

That's the way this wheel keeps working out...

Much Love,
Richard Anthony

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Sex? I don't know... [09 Feb 2007|09:39am]
[ mood | confused ]

I've taken care of a few more things. I feel tons better.


I'm just letting things do and undo themselves. I have found that it isn't necessary for me to try too hard to prevent things from getting a little out of hand. On the other hand, I almost like being bad...


I saw her last weekend, on my birthday.. It was nice. The subject came up and it made my head spin. Ahhhh!!! Why? Why? Why? Why not? I don't know sometimes but I do know what I believe and what I want. But it would be too easy. I do wonder about it. She's not a virgin and I am... She's lived on both sides of the country and I've only moved from one side of the state to the others. Another chance for a minor gain of experience? Maybe. This week has truly been a mindfuck.. I'm not too sure what she wants either. I'm just a little confused... I've been talking to her on the phone almost as much as I have with AR. I'm glad she can confide in me but when it comes to a subject as complicated as that, I begin to question her motives when I shouldn't. Could it be that I'm being a little too cautious?

I don't know... Most likely not...
Once again.. Sorry for not being that kind of guy.

Whew... Insecurities are about as useful as trying to put the pin back in the grenade...

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"La semana tiene mas de siete dias"... [04 Feb 2007|10:44pm]
[ mood | loved ]

Hello there!

It was my birthday today. I enjoyed it very much and the only reason for that was all of the love that was sent to me. From phone calls to online messages. I felt soo loved today. I didn't need any gifts for my birthday..

I woke up today to the 'Happy Birthday' song. My sleep was interrupted to the voices of my Mum, Bianca, Shanaiya and Dylan. That was what assured me that nothing could mess up my day... I was in very high spirits and the day will end the way I started it. In bed, with a huge-ass smile on my face...

I got a phone call from her today. She seemed to be having a bad day and I know it was his fault. Why do guys do that to girls? So, I went over to her dorm to see if I could console or calm her down. It worked. All that she needed was someone to talk to... and just a little more... Amazing what hugs and kisses can do... XOXO

I had phone calls from family members and friends. Many texts and the like. I spent a lot of the day at home until I went to Andy's for his family's little super bowl BBQ.

************************************************************

Last night was pleasant as well...

I had a little dinner at Chili's. I got to have my baby back ribs, and eat them too. :D

I had some friends there but I have to say that it felt a little weird without some who were absent. Nancy, Corina and Tony... It just wasn't the same.. The other person that I really wanted to be there wasn't there. But she was grounded for life so I wasn't disappointed...

It was a blast either way..

My adventure with Kashia and Uvaldo was an interesting one... Haha! A jolly good time with the addition of the fear of having it bitten off.

My birthday is now over and it is one I well remember for years to come...

Thanks a ton to all those who wished me a happy birthday and those who shared it with me..
I LOVE YOU ALL!!

I thank God for my friends and family...

Much, much, and much, much more love,
Richard Anthony

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Welcome to Good Burger. Home of the Good Burger. Can I take your Ooorder? [01 Feb 2007|03:03pm]
[ mood | irate ]

Today's the first of the month...

Got my phone back! Woo Hoo! My brother got one too. So, there's the end of that.


I dread it even more, ten-thousand-fold....


I continue to hunt for a job. I promised my mum that I would get one within four weeks.


My birthday is in three days...


I have soo many things to do and I'm working on them diligently. School and home and the like.


At least one out of two to look forward to...


I have yet to hang out with him. I'm sure he's probably busy with work so I haven't tried calling. Don't worry, names shall remain anonymous. I'm not that much a dick.


Then again, not so much the fourth either...


Much... Whatever
Richard

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Done, Done, on to the next one. Done, Done, and I'm on to the next [31 Jan 2007|03:10am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Demasiado Herido
Ya casi 'paresco
Un gorrion sin alas
Como si yo fuera
Menos que la nada
Como una gaviotta
Que perdio su playa

Yeah, it's kinda like that.

I'm calm though. I'm good. I see a lot of things differently.

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Oil and Water... Part II [21 Jan 2007|07:54pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

Well..

The school year is off to a tortoise's speed which I'm sure will pick up to a hare's. I'm still as confused as I was a few weeks before the beginning of term. I should speak to Ms. Gaytan. ;) To my misfortune, I was denied a short term loan because I had already received my disbersement of $49.00... I guess it isn't so bad since I found out soon after that I'm only required one book. A textbook that a couple of friends have offered to let me borrow. Woo Hoo!

Prior to the break, I let my wild side run a little bit. It's all thanks, or no thanks, to my Dad. During a telephone conversation, I was feeling a little, Meh(for lack of a better term) and he picked up on it.
"What's the matter Richie? You sound a little, wound up."
"Yeah, I've been stressing a little bit. School and such. I've been having trouble sleeping and-"
"You know what your problem is Mijo?"
"Not really. ???"
"Your need to get you some pussy son"
...

Of course I didn't respond to him the way I had in my mind, so I let the conversation go on until he had to go because of his phone's dying battery. I'm not sure if he was buzzing when he was talking to me but I'm more than sure that he was aware of his statement. I never expected my Dad to give me that kind of advice. It was always, "Take care of yourself Richie." "Wear a Jimmy Richie." "Don't do 'this'." "Don't do 'that'." What he had said took me by surprise. It bothered me but intrigued me at the same time. Yet, I held on to this piece of advice. I mulled it around in my head. It didn't take me long to process so..
After that moment I had contacted some old friends that I had made growing up, and kept in touch throughout the years. I had started to party with these folks. Made with their friends and just got a little crazy with them. Drank, and then some. (it got a little weird at one point) I had to keep myself from allowing situations to get out of hand. It was at this point where I began to realize a lot of things..
I wasn't always fucked up at 'socials'. It was at a Christmas party that I went to that I came to realize how wonderful a feeling it is to appeal to girls that aren't inebriated. Girls that were actually attractive AND attracted to me. Things would almost get out of hand thereafter as well. Nothing serious though.
During the break, I've had a tremendous confidence boost. I think, anyway. I've had chance at a relationship, but passed it up. Not something I was looking forward to. I began to like the 'single' thing. It also dawned on me that it is so easy for ANYONE with confidence to act a fucking whore. AND that there are soo many HO's in the valley. Haha. But I'm not looking for a HO. And I don't think that a little nookie(thanks Fred Durst) would solve anything. (No thanks Dad) Sure, I threw my inhibitions to the wind for a while but I'm starting to take hold of the reins again. I thank God that I am not a whore. It's not me. One thing I am grateful about my father's advice is that, had I not "partied", I wouldn't have found another piece of my puzzle... I never actually got any, though I could have. ;)

Throughout all of these happenings, I e-mailed my favorite high-school teacher at a time of need of a fatherly figure. His response went something like this:

Richard,

I appreciate the fact that you would turn to me with such personal and life altering questions. I apologize for taking this long to respond to your email but, It's been that kind of week. Just know that you always have a friend.

You've posed a series of interesting and difficult questions. I understand how difficult it is to go through life without a male figure around to guide you (let alone command results).

As I recall, college was difficult for me. I really didn't hang out with anyone at the university. I really only had a couple of friends I spent time with. I really didn't know what I wanted to do at first. I contemplated being a media journalist, veteranarian, and even, that's right, a teacher. I finally chose the latter for specific reasons, but I often questioned whether my college career was the right choice for me. It's normal. It's natural to question you position and your status in the world. College is the place where you lose yourself and then find yourself (hopefully). Stick it out. Give it a chance. I mean, I didn't know what my career was going to be until late in my sophomore year. The answers will come. Live life, even though it sucks sometimes.

Girls, wow, that's a whole different can of worms. I never really made a conscious effort to remain single. I've had my share of heart breaks and then again, I've been on the giving end of those heart aches as well. I've always followed my heart. I had it broken and became extremely guarded and cautious (probably a little too much). In and out of relationships, loving, leaving, being left--all part of the concept of "love". Hindsight is always 20/20. If I had the opportunity to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing! I'm sorry about your first girlfriend. Unfortunately, it happens, it hurts, and most of all it sucks. Although this may be the case, never give up on love. Yes, it can be the most frustrating, hurtful thing in the world but, it can also touch the soul. That's the beauty of that "crazy little thing called love".

We should talk about this some more. Give me a call (***-****)[Mad?]. I'd rather discuss this in person. Help you out a bit more. We can contemplate the complexities of the world. Or, we could just shoot the shit. I hope i helped a bit.

L. Leija

This guy also helped me out in so many ways. I'm glad to have run into him in my life. I'm enjoying college a little more and continue to wait until the time comes when I know for sure what it is that I want to do. My views on love continue to change. I really miss having that someone special. But I'm okay right now. I've been hurt and I think I did some heart-breaking of my own. I suppose it is what it is..

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was supposed to call her to "Finish this conversation we started a million years ago". But I kept from doing so. I thought twice about the content of that conversation. I have really just wanted to talk to her lately. Just talk. Because the fact of the matter is, I miss talking and listening to her. I was surprised at myself.

At some point(don't remember when), I had another 'me moment'. This is where I successfully mixed my oil and water; I had come to another fork in the road. "How can I Hate so much, a person I Love and care for so deeply?" Soooo much frustration. Hours later, the feeling let up. I no longer knew what it was exactly that I felt about her. I had fused love and hate and didn't know what the results it yielded were. Apathy maybe? No. I don't know.
I have said before that I was better and that I was okay. I was only kidding myself then. I'm twice the person I was before... I leave it here, In the past where it belongs. I'm happy right now and I'm happy for you too. ;) I haven't dated in the sense that I haven't had a girlfriend, but I have gone out on "dates" with other girls, I guess.

I have never mentioned the content of this entry to anyone and it took quite a bit out of me to decide to disclose this information. So there we go.


I've met interesting people from here and afar. I have learned so much about myself (to my surprise, at home and pan-am) and I KNOW that there is much much more. Wherever else life takes me.

I hope to get some classes done at UNT for the summer. Or go to spain for some guitar. Haha. Wishful thinking.

Much Love,
Richard Anthony

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"And now, we play the waiting game" [17 Jan 2007|04:22pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Dooood!

We didn't even cover anything in my Intro to Psychology and I'm loving the class! I've been reading my Psychology For Dummies book that I've had for quite some time and, the more I read the more I contemplate.. Is it for me?
But then again...
Each time I even think about straying away from music, I'm dragged back by it. I SWEAR, I WILL obtain absolute pitch! Thanks to Eddy and my new found friend, David Lucas Burge. (That dude sounds alot like Criss Angel. Haha.) Each day I find myself closer and closer to it.
I think about the music and my abilities and capabilities and I come back to my supposed reality that music IS me..

I dunno, I have yet to finish this semester and then ponder some more about what I want to do with my life. As for now, I will enjoy whatever time I have left here.

Hahaha.... I hope I don't become one of those that I've always despised.. Sorry Geneva.

Part II coming soon.

Ricardo Antonio..

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Oil and Water... part I [06 Jan 2007|08:11am]
Hello again!

So much crap has happened since the beginning of the end of term. Still with me? I have learned a lot from myself AND from/of others. It doesn't seem to end there and I'm glad. I like to know that I can never learn enough.

School was okay.. I ended up with a Grade Point Average/Ratio of 2.6. Not my best work but it is satisfactory, taking my input into consideration. It could have been better but that is what you get when you're as much a procrastinator as I WAS. That's right. I learned a lesson or two-hundred. Didn't once cross my mind that I'd learn little life lessons like this at PanAm. I really look forward to my classes next semester. More music. More of Kurt and his guitar. More of familiar faces and hopefully some new. My sources say, the road is clear.

Many things went down at the home front. Things that involved my step-father, drugs, my brother, Me, Moms, My little siblings, My father Richard and of course, me and my impetuous mind. I would go into detail but don't feel like it. I learned something throughout the course of time in which these unfortunate events took place though. Things I should have learned in the past, about myself. I usually keep shit bottled up inside. At least my emotions. Fear, Frustration, Hatred, Anger, Jealousy, Distress, Joy, and Depression among many others. Whenever I keep things to myself or whenever I don't vent in some way, I explode. I usually cry. I know why I do it though. Or why I used to do it. I would agree if you told me that I am "a chip off the ol' block". But only to a certain degree. I feel like I have the same kind of tendencies as my brother and father. I would resort to so much violence if I didn't suppress my emotions. So, in some way, the suppression was necessary. Crying was the only way out it seemed. I go through so many euphorias within a short span of time. I think I found a solution or two to this little emotional problem. It looks like its working. -I can't wait to take the classes that stimulate my thinking process in a more efficient manner.- It was no wonder I had such a long fuse.

I had never missed my father as much as I did this holiday season. This Christmas I realized how alone I am down here. I have no family. Thank God for my friends. I really thought a lot about my Dad. I finally started wondering how alone HE must feel around this time of year. I really missed him. I've grown closer to him the past year or two. I hate that it had to happen this late in my adolescent life. But that's the way it is and I accept it. One other thing that contributed to this was what went down new years eve:
I went looking for some sparklers for the young ones. In my absence, my step-father showed up at home...... many other things happened.... your typical domestic disturbances. When I got home everything appeared in order. I was greeted with a "Happy New Year!", I ate the grapes that my superstitious mom gave me and enjoyed some time with the short crew. It was around this time that mom tells me what happened while I was gone. So much yelling, bickering between my mom, step-father, and his dad, fighting between step-father and John and things of that sort. All of this happening with my little ones bearing witness to it all. I'm told all of this and I'm stunned. The images of the oldest clutching the younger two, the crying and the covering of the eyes and ears. I couldn't help but make the connection between all of this and a piece of my childhood. My step-father does not realize what he has right now. He is very close to completely losing all of it. All because of reasons similar to those that my father had when he lost me and John and my mom. He had it all and lost it. I missed him so much and I desperately wanted to be near him. The thing about it is, I was feeling like a child. Little Richie at age 3 1/2. Little Richie that did not know where his father was. Little Richie that did not know SHIT about what goes on around him. I missed him like I missed him then. When I cried, I was that little boy. I worry about Dylan. I hate to think that he might grow up in a scenario similar to mine. I pray things straighten out.

I'm tired and so I will continue this chapter some other time.

-Fatherly advice
-Changing views
-E-mails from teachers (will make few envious.. by few I mean YOU) Haha
-Girls... Hahaha, who would have thought?
-Other crap I failed to remember

Till next time,
Richie
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Under my umbrella... [29 Dec 2006|05:35am]
[ mood | awake ]

Where the hell have I been? Ah yes.. within the confines of my humble abode. I've been kinda, sort of keeping to myself. I'm basically enjoying the shit outta this break. Woo Hoo. My written journal has begun to collect some dust. I've opened it, scribbled in it, closed it many times, opened it some more... yeah. I want to transfer some of that junk in here but, don't wanna right now. Just want to post SOMETHING. I shall update in the very near future. I promise promise...

I saw the price is right a couple of days ago(because I actually awoke from my coma early) and I came to realize something I really hate about the show. Or rather, some of the fortunate ones that get to be "The next contestant on The Price Is Right!" Is it just me, or does anybody else HATE it when someone bids ONE dollar higher than someone else's bid? WTF!!! The nerve... I understand that it isn't against the rules but... I would be really agitated if I should have won, had it not been for the Tight-ass that bid that extra dollar, ruining my chance to bid the closest... MotherF*****!! It makes me want to take Bob's long, ridiculously small microphone and shove it up that persons ass...

Whew... Random..

I noticed I use the ellipses excessively. I need to get rid of the habit. It almost annoys me.

'Til next time... soo much to write...

Richie

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Coitus Interruptus [16 Nov 2006|05:41pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Everything seems to be falling apart. Life at this point in time, I feel, is going to bite me in the ass. It's about time too. I have no idea what's happening. I have to admit, I'm finally a bit scared... I feel like pulling out...

I'm required to take a skin test for TB and so does the rest of the class. Someone might have/get it and sometimes I wish it were me.

It happened again. WHY?! These kinds of occurrences are fucking everything up. I was doing great! I suppose I can try harder...


...I hate me right now

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I'm not THAT bold... [14 Nov 2006|04:19pm]
[ mood | surprised ]

Well now my phone is gone. I can't even recieve the damn calls now. It's probably a good thing that I asked them to completely take it away, maybe then he'll hurry up and pay for his mistake that's causing me trouble with sprint. I might need a NEW... phone too. I'm not taking too much care of the one I have, always dropping it and stuff.

Oh well

--------------------------------------------------------

Things with this girl, I think, are beginning to get weird. It started as "Sure, we can get together and work on the project". I'm just being nice, and I think that she's getting the wrong idea. And then again, maybe it's me, but I'm pretty sure it's not. I accompanied her to the movies simply because her roommate and friends went home for the weekend, and she'd have gone to the theatre alone. I would have done the same for anyone. Miguel knows. But is it possible that I might be throwing signals out there that I'm not MEANING... to? Could it be out of pity? Nah, I don't think I could do that.

--------------------------------------------------

I had a dream about her last night. Weird, I always wake up, never knowing if I had a dream. When I do have a dream, I can't remember what I dreamt OF... and I hate it. But this MORNING... I couldn't get that part of it out of my head. Either I couldn't or I WOULD...n't. I liked the dream but, I didn't like it. Makes sense to me. I've only had it a few times but, why now? Why her? It was odd, yet interesting...

Here In My [Head]Collapse )





----------------------------------
Ayer fue mi primera... Haha!
---

Tina's thing is this Sabbath. We must practice!

Eh

December's right around the bend. Slow down!

I need to finish polishing the freakin' solo for this Friday. Hope I'll be ready.

--------------------------------------------

Ah, the cogs and wheels of Richard Anthony.

-Me

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I want kids!!!... Just, not right now... [10 Nov 2006|02:18pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

Why is it that money is what allows this little world to revolve? If there was no such thing as currency would it stop spinning? One of these days, I'll want off this ride... and then quickly run to catch up with it!... I need to pay Pan-Am ASAP so that I can register for next semester!... That's what makes me worry the most...
One other thing that "really grinds my gea's" is the fact that the advisors here failed to mention to me at the start of the semester was that if I complete any school's core curriculum in Texas. I wouldn't have to take any of those classes anywhere else... I could have taken all of Pan-am's easy-ass classes, and then transfer and concentrate on nothing but music... Now I'm told that since I'm doing both simultaneously, the music portion might be a waste of time if i'm thinking of transferring. Some schools want you to take all FOUR years of their music program... I still might be able to transfer all of my hours but I would also need to start fresh at another college of music... I don't mind... but it bugs me to know that there could have been an easier route... Terco...

I saw The Prestige...
Freakin' sweet movie!!! It's definitely up there with my fav's...
-------------------------------------------------------
After walking into a room with a 'sharks' documentary on the Nat. Geographic channel...

Dylan: Richie, when I was a little boy, I was swimming with a lot of sharks.
Me: You did? Weren't you scared?

:shakes head: Nuh-uh. I wasn't scared. I was swimming and then I punched the shark in the face and then I punched another one in the booty... and then I gave the shark a wedgie, with his 'chonez'...

Me: LMAO!

The funniest part is the way he pronounces his words... They're not wrong, its just that he's a kid... I wouldn't change anything right now. Maybe later... I start to help him but, he doesn't care, doesn't want to... He sounds like he's from Jersey... Haha... Joyzee...

I love the creative imagination of a child!... I would LOVE to know what the inner workings of kids are like. Especially my baby brother's... My brother is a little too smart for his age... and that's a good thing... I don't remember acting the way he does when I was four. (his b-day was 4 days ago) and I still feel like he's still two... He's still my little sponge...

Awww...

El MariachiCollapse )

"Peace Nigga!"

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11 AM [06 Nov 2006|06:21pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

"... The garbage truck beeps as it backs up and I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away..."

I've written some interesting things in my... written journal... ahh.. redundancy... and I will transfer some of the intriguing things that my beautiful mind comes up with.. Haha! I do it so that I may reflect on it, years later, ("even when I'm old and gray") and take notice of the changes that I constantly go through... Geez... I sound like a pre-pubescent teen... Anyway... I'm really fascinated by the way we think and I'm my subject, my patient, my specimen under the glass:

Richard Anthony Rojas
and his thoughts on [his] life... Thus far...

(9/02/one-0!...06) :bows head in shame:

So let us begin with the now, the present. [9/02/06] Ladies and gents... I am a college man. I sure don't feel like it though. The university of Texas Pan-American is just not cutting it. I have to get out of here... Soon... I'm just happy that I got through high-school safe-and-sound. I might be the only one on my mother's side of the brood to get a high school diploma. I'm the one to begin a new generation. My siblings and I are the first ones to come out of this family, way less than half as fucked up as they are, were... will be. Thanks Ma! I'm getting there...

My Kin!Collapse )

I'm in that process of defying everyone's beliefs, everyone who has doubted me, everyone who doesn't believe I can't do what I KNOW I am capable of doing... Screw all of you! and you... and you... and you...

It amazes me at how fast 'chillun' grow... My little brother is always making me smile... He reminds me of me sometimes... Only he reminds me of the character that I am sometimes... Our senses of humor are somewhat alike... I look at him and I am struck with a sudden sinking feeling because he (and my sisters) will cease to be cherubs... awww... My babies...

Squishy-faceCollapse )

I leave it here for now... Peace biatch!
-Richie the semi-neurotic... not really.

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"My bedsheets shade the heated choices I make" [01 Nov 2006|02:31pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Time's a-flyin... Where the hell does it go? Oh, well... Even though alot has happened, for some reason I can't seem to remember much... October's pretty much done with and daylight savings pretty much screwed up my sleeping pattern,(if I had one at all) Halloween was just another day for me as well as the weekend before it...

Friday... Don't remember what I did...

Oh yeah!... I picked up the trumpet again... Woo hoo... I love it! I don't know why I hadn't done it before... like high school... I would have been decent by now... With just a couple of days of practice I can feel and hear myself improving...
But anyway...

Saturday... Hung around the house... I think I woke up at 1 that day. I practiced trumpet. Haha. Messed around with the guitar some. Oh yeah, I went out to kumori with her for some sushi(which I hadn't had in a good while) and neither had she... but, I have to say that I enjoyed it... I suppose... It was nice to talk about random crap and about me and my stupid mind. Lately, my attitude has been a little too much on the don't-give-a-fuck side... I've been slightly more apathetic... I think that's why I kissed her... The main motive might have been to see if I'd feel anything. And expected enough.. Nope, nothing. Not a spark of emotion. And I'm the type that sends and receives alot of emotion through kissing, among other things lovey-dovey... But, IDK... I walked away from that thinking, 'There's nothing there for me'. And I don't think there will be... Then again, I'm wrong more than half the time... or so I'm told...
Later, went to Victoria's halloween-movie night-thingy... I ordered an extra Jupiter Roll to take there. Don't know why anymore(Victoria enjoyed it) "I came here expecting next to nothing" Had some laughs with Vanessa and the girls... and John C.... and that was saturday...

Sunday... Did laundry...(exciting)... :-|

Yesterday, Victoria and Miguel and I wanted to go to the movies but ended up not going 'cause there was a recital and we decided to attend because.. I guess we need the hours... Went to Chili's instead with them two and Corina and Mario... Good times... I didn't even go trick-or-treating with the little ones... =( Next year fo' sho'...

I want to go to the Vargas concert this Saturday. Eddy's gonna be playing with Panam and the girls are going to be playing some of his arrangements... But I haven't any dinero right now. I might later, who knows? Don't really want to go by myself... Probably end up by myself either way... I guess I wouldn't mind...


CORINA GAVE ME A RIDE IN HER NEW (2000) HONDA ACCORD!!!
HAHA!


My life is going in a direction I'm not familiar with... and I like it... You can say I'm living a little if you want...
College... Heh, I need to get myself a little more motivated... Thanks Pan-Am... For that... I think I will talk to Eddy's mom... She had alot to say and I think she might be able to stimulate my thinking process a little more.. a good thing? Maybe... I love his family... That's right eddy... Your Fam is da shiznit...
:sigh:

I'm floating down a river
Oars freed from their homes long ago
Lying face up on the floor of my vessel
I marvel at the stars and feel my heart overflow

Further down the river

Two weeks without my lover
I'm in this boat alone
Floating down a river named, Emotion
Will I make it back to shore
Or drift into the unknown

Further down the river

I'm building an antenna
Transmissions will be sent when I am through
Maybe we can meet again further down the river
And share what we've both discovered
And revel in the view

Further down the river




Can I push rewind?

-Richie the great

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A succubus? Hope Vs. Delusion [06 Oct 2006|11:19am]
[ mood | cold as dry ice ]

I don't wanna talk to you anymore
I'm afraid of what I might say
I bite my tongue every time
You come around
'Cause blood in my mouth beats
Blood on the ground
Hand over my heart I swear
I've tried everything I could
Within all my power
2 weeks and 1 hour
I slaved and now
I've got nothing to show
Oh if only you've grown
Taller than a brick wall
From now on
Gonna start holding my breath
When you
Come around and
You flex that fake grin
'Cause something inside me has
Said more than twice
That breathing less air
Beats breathing you at all

Hand over my mouth
I'm earning the right
To my silence
In quiet discerning
Between ego and timing
Good judgment is once again
Proving to me
That it's still worth
Its weight in gold
From now on I'm gonna be
So much more weary
When you start to speak and
My warm blood starts to boil
Seeing you is like pulling teeth
And hearing your voice
Is like chewing tin foil

I'm fast to a better judgment
By saying less today
I will gain more, gain more
No cheers to you my
My fickle friend
You, you brought
The art of silent war

I don't wanna talk to you anymore
I'm afraid of what I might say
I bite my tongue every time
You come around
'Cause blood in my mouth beats
Blood on the ground


VS.


There's something about
The look in your eyes
Something I noticed when
The light was just right
It reminded me twice
That I was alive
And it reminded me that
You're so worth the fight
My biggest fear will be
The rescue of me
Strange how it turns out
That way, yeah
Could you show me dear?
Something I'm not seeing
Something infinitely interesting
Could you show me dear?
Something I'm not seeing
Something infinitely interesting

There's something about
The way you move
I see your mouth in slow motion
When you sing
More subtle than something
Someone contrives
Your movements echo that
I have seen the real thing

Your biggest fear will be
The rescue of you
Strange how it turns out
That way, yeah
Could you show me dear?
Something I'm not seeing
Something infinitely interesting
Could you show me dear?
Something I'm not seeing
Something infinitely interesting


Two completely different feelings. I've felt them before, but never simultaneously...
I hate my heart.. It's retarded and has never yielded positive results...

I wish... so many things.

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Sine Qua Non [22 Sep 2006|02:55pm]
[ mood | pensive ]

... I can't seem to do it right. I can never get it right. Why is it that when it seems as though everything seems to be in order, it all gets snatched from under? And I'M the one who's doing it to myself... I think. Lately, I've been back and forth with myself. What am I doing? What is all this? Where did that come from? It's like I've got two people in my head arguing with each other and both of them cannot come to a compromise. I'm really confused about so many things and I feel like it's driving me insane. It's all fucking with my mind and I'm not liking it the slightest bit... I know I'm not crazy, though this entry might prove otherwise, but... No, I can't be... I'll get it right in time...

College... Everything I thought it wouldn't be...
I can say that I'm doing fine at school, but it feels like it isn't enough. Everyone seems to fulfill that void by keeping themselves busy. I want that. I want to be doing so much that I get to the point to where I say, "I can't handle it". The thing about it is I don't want to have my hands full with crap outside of school. I want school itself to do that.. As far as music goes anyway... I'm doing great with guitar, I love it. I know that I'll do great in the future... but, where is it going? I'm going to try to juggle a few other things... I talked to Dr. Dawson and I'll be playing with the Chamber Orchestra playing the Double Bass again, that is if I follow through with the audition... I chatted with Dr. P. Martinez and I might play a lil' elec. bass for the salsa band... Maybe all of that will help...
I want to go to UNT so bad and I believe that if I do, I'll probably start over.. a freshman again.. Who knows?... We will see..

You would think that staying home for school, you'd run into all of the ones(The majority)that stayed in the valley. All of your friends and acquaintances... No... It isn't like that at all. Everyone's doing their own thing and pretty much keep to themselves... I might be wrong...
But... I've adjusted and made some new friends and got closer to others... I have no complaints..

It blows my mind to think about change, not just changes that occur within my life but others'. Some say I shouldn't think about it. Hard not to... I spoke with a friend and he seems to take notice as well... He put it like, "Everyone is growing up..." We are all making 'that' transition. One of the many that we will have throughout our lives. I am seriously overwhelmed by it all.

Thinking about all of this, AND more, put me through sooo many emotions. I'm engulfed with rage... Drowned in sadness... Obscured by confusion.. Lifted to Happiness... Sometimes within a short period of time... NOT doing me alot of good...

Without which [I] could not be...

... Man, That was a long entry... I'll just leave it there...

Richard and "his friends" were here

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Something new.. Yet old [17 Sep 2006|03:58pm]
[ mood | okay ]

Well, well, well...
A live journal... sounds like fun.
I will make sure to write in some crap in the future... but for now..

Nothing...

Just the start of a new journal...

Richard Anthony was here

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